Climate Sky God Destroys Homes While Immigrants Eat Cats

The message of this week’s platitudinous insubstantial presidential debate was loud and clear: the apocalypse is upon us once again. This election cycle will determine the beginning of the end of the United States as we know it: either the Climate Sky God will destroy all humanity, or immigrants will eat US citizens’ cats. The well known, most popular, and efficient Vice President Kamala Harris, who never changes and always holds to her values, warned of the Climate Sky God who is presently destroying people’s homes and putting people out of work. We know this is true because ipse dixit says so. We must, therefore, pretend to elect her so she can appease the Climate Sky God by sacrificing children and banning gasoline engines. Then we can avoid the end of the world. On the other hand, the American people are just as much in dire straits if they elect Harris. Former President Donald Trump, who never exaggerates or repeats outrageous claims, reminded us that Harris’ well-documented oversight of the border will lead to immigrants eating your household pets. Evidently, they especially enjoy cats. The American people, therefore, are on the horns of a dilemma. If we vote for Trump, the Climate Sky God will destroy us because Trump denies his existence. Sayonara to your homes, people, and ultimately planet Earth. If we vote for Harris, immigrants will eat our pets. Say good-bye to litter boxes, emotional support animals, and even the Humane Society. How shall we escape the horns of this dilemma? Is there a third option? Have we been given a false dichotomy? It does not appear that escaping the apocalypse will be possible. We have only two prophets running for office. We have to choose one of them, right? Perhaps all we can do is look at the cup half full in either case. This approach is best suited for those who are optimistic, or rather, hold onto the idea that the United States is the Kingdom of God itself or humans are freaking awesome in every way. If we vote for Trump, the Climate Sky God may destroy humanity, but our cats will survive. It’s possible that they could then evolve, metamorphosizing into a superior human race, or Übermensch, as anticipated by Nietzsche years ago. Humanity would continue to exist after all! In a sense, this ought to make the communists among us very happy. It would finally ring in the utopia they have been anticipating for so long. On the other hand, we could vote for Harris and look at the bright side. If she becomes president, we can avoid the entire utopian cat evolutionary process by appeasing the Climate Sky God. True, cats would become extinct because immigrants would eat them, but humanity would be saved! Well, some of humanity. Harris’ commitment to pass a law nationally legalizing abortion would see to that. But then, again, Trump’s new support for IVF would effectively do the same. Don’t like the idea of looking at the glass half full? No problem. Look at the glass half empty. This option is best for those who enjoy hopelessness and anxiety rather than peace and hope in the God of the universe. The apocalypse is going to occur either way, so just accept it and complain about it. Face your fate with lamentation. Either our cats or humanity will be destroyed. Choose the lesser of the two evils and throw the voting machine lever. Whatever you do, keep playing the winner of the two-party system. Remain committed to always voting for one of two clowns. (Who doesn’t like the circus?) After all, you have the responsibility and obligation to never vote or write in someone who is qualified for the presidency. Change always comes when the same thing is repeatedly done, over and over again. And change always comes when the apocalypse is on the horizon. This time, our apocalypse is coming from the Climate Sky God or immigrants who eat cats. Choose your apocalypse. Choose your clown.